


they don't know you like i do

by rottingbrains



Category: Torchwood
Genre: F/F, Genuinely don't know what to tag this as, Manipulation, Suzie Lives AU, also uh, cw for canon compliant talk of gunshot wounds/suicide, nothing graphic tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29116746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rottingbrains/pseuds/rottingbrains
Summary: For one thing, she had expected Suzie to hate her. After all, if not for her, Suzie never would have been desperate enough to shoot herself. But it was almost difficult for her to remember that the Suzie she knew now was the same as the woman who had confessed to killing all those people, who had been so, so sorry, who had needed to kill her but wished that she didn’t. (She didn’t need to, but Gwen knew that she thought she had needed to, and somehow, she understood. She tried not to think about how much she wanted to forgive someone who tried to kill her.)(the whole "gwen almost dies from suzies gunshot wound" thing just. doesnt happen in this, and so they have to figure out what to do about suzie. i just really wanted to write some kinda evil gwen/suzie, but like? it could be read as manipulative or the possible beginnings of a redemption arc depending on how u look at it)
Relationships: Gwen Cooper/Suzie Costello
Comments: 13
Kudos: 13





	they don't know you like i do

They didn’t know what to do with her. "She's a threat," Jack said, folding his arms. "We can't let her go, knowing what she knows. Not after what she's done."

"What about retcon?" Owen replied, and Gwen had agreed with him until Suzie herself chimed in and said, 

"Do you really think that using enough to erase  _ all  _ my time spent here is a good idea? Especially after that little mishap- really didn't mean to do that, by the way, but it just goes to show that the easiest way isn't always the best." Her expression was smug, but she threw a small glance at Gwen, and something in it was so terrified, so desperate, that she chimed in,

"I think she's right. It's not something we want to wait to find out, and besides, she  _ died.  _ Does retcon even work on pre-death memories?"

"That man went nuts because Suzie fed him amnesia pills for two years, it wouldn’t be the same. As long as we use controlled doses, I don't see why not," Owen started, only to be interrupted by Gwen who said with a firm glare,

"Well, I do! We are not going to take that risk!"

"Hey," said Jack. "Do I need to remind you all who's in charge here? We need to figure something out  _ now _ , and so far, that's our best option."

"Surprised you didn't just kill her," Tosh said bitterly, barely loud enough for Gwen to hear, and Jack looked at her.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Tosh started to shake her head, but then seemed to change her mind and said, "I'm surprised that you didn't just kill her."

Something in Jack's expression hardened. "Yeah, well, I haven't taken that option off the table."

"Come on," Owen said, "that's not-"

"We can't just kill her, Jack," Ianto said, and they stared at each other for a few seconds before Gwen decided that enough was enough.

“He’s right. We can’t kill her, and we can’t retcon her, but we can’t just let her go, so that leaves us with one option,” she said, putting on a smile and then instantly regretting it upon seeing everyone else’s expression.

“No,” said Tosh and Jack at the same time. They looked at each other, and then Tosh said, “She betrayed us. That’s not something she can just come back from-”

“It’s alright, Tosh,” Owen began, but she whirled around to look at him and he immediately stopped.

“It’s  _ not  _ alright! I’m tired of everyone acting like it’s going to be alright when it isn’t! We shouldn’t have to put up with this.” There was something unspoken in her words, as well, almost a challenge:  _ Tell me that I deserve to put up with this. Because I don’t.  _ Gwen suddenly wished that she could communicate telepathically, that she could say that she was sorry. That Tosh was right, and it wasn’t fair- but not right now. 

Suzie, who had been watching them all argue back and forth the whole time, finally spoke up. “If I remember correctly, you lot were the ones that decided to bring me back. It seems a bit unfair to blame  _ that  _ on me, all things considered.”

Tosh glared at her, and Gwen could see tears in her eyes as she said, “You left us, Suzie. I thought we- that you understood me. I wish I hadn’t made that mistake.”

Gwen didn’t know what to say to that. None of them did. 

***

Gwen wasn’t sure what she had expected when they had finally decided that welcoming Suzie back was the best option (a bad idea, of course, but better than the other ideas, which seemed to be a pattern in most Torchwood decision making), but whatever she had expected, it wasn’t anything she could have actually predicted.

For one thing, she had expected Suzie to hate her. After all, if not for her, Suzie never would have been desperate enough to shoot herself. But it was almost difficult for her to remember that the Suzie she knew now was the same as the woman who had confessed to killing all those people, who had been so, so sorry, who had  _ needed  _ to kill her but wished that she didn’t. (She didn’t need to, but Gwen knew that she  _ thought  _ she had needed to, and somehow, she understood. She tried not to think about how much she wanted to forgive someone who tried to kill her.) 

No one understood why Gwen talked to Suzie, why she was so willing to give her a second chance. “I mean, she tried to  _ kill  _ you,” Tosh had said, and Gwen had mumbled something about second chances while Owen made a snarky comment about her supposed heart of gold. The truth was that Suzie was really likeable: she was funny, intelligent, and surprisingly sympathetic and understanding. 

Tosh avoided her as much as possible; it seemed that they had a history beyond what anyone was willing to talk about. Ianto was polite to her, but clearly uncomfortable, and Owen wouldn’t admit it, but he was clearly antsy any time she was in the same room as him. Suzie generally seemed unbothered, but she privately confided that she missed them more than she could ever let them know.

“I care about them still,” she had said. “I wish I could stop, but I can’t. I love them.” She had reached out to clasp Gwen’s hand anxiously. “I really wish I could have done things differently. If I could have, I would have- you believe me, right? You have to believe me.” And Gwen had felt a chill roll down her spine and nodded mutely, and Suzie had gripped her hand tighter. “I’m glad,” she’d said. “I’m so grateful to have someone willing to give me a second chance.” Gwen had wondered if she was actually giving her a second chance, or if this was only a first chance: she had never truly known her the way the others had before.

***

Suzie slept at the Hub. She had her own room set up there, and rarely left. “It’s like being in jail,” she said to Gwen one time, “except I could leave anytime I want. But I know that my every move is being monitored by people who hate me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“You can always go out with me,” Gwen said hesitantly. “I don’t hate you.”

Suzie smiled softly. “That’s right. Gwen Cooper, all forgiving. You’re like a saint to them, you know that? I hated you at first, I really did. You took my place, and I thought I could never forgive you for it. But I realized it wasn’t your fault. There’s enough room for both of us. I don’t know why I was so determined to be lonely.”

***

“The glove,” Gwen said later. They were sitting in a small restaurant, gazing out the window as cars raced by in the night. “You were right about it. It did resurrect you permanently.”

“Yeah, well. I go against the natural order. I’m wrong. The first person that glove brought back was a killer, and they can’t have that.”

“I don’t think that’s fair,” Gwen said. “You said that- that the glove gets into your head. You thought you were doing the right thing.”

“What I like about you, Gwen,” Suzie said, “is that you understand me. You’re the only one. The others, they think they understand, but they don’t, not really. They’re lonely, but not like I was. Not like you are.” She took a sip from her glass of water and then continued, “But we don’t have to be! Jack wants us to sacrifice ourselves for Torchwood. Why do we have to do that?”

“Well,” Gwen said slowly, “I think he means well. He cares about us, and he knows what he’s doing.”

“But does he understand you?” Suzie asked. She didn’t wait for an answer before leaning across the table and kissing her. Something in Gwen’s chest tightened and then relaxed. She wasn’t going to be lonely anymore, she decided. It was all going to be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> not sure how i feel abt this fic i just had to write it! lmk if u see any like . mistakes. anyway im always welcome to feedback! the way i see it is that suzie does genuinely care for gwen, but it's also leading up to something more. whatever that is idk. also i rlly wanted to give tosh a chance to be angry! they keep killing suzie is after greeks bearing gifts and i feel like tosh never gets to be mad even though she has all the reason to


End file.
